Funny Pull Tampons Out Yah Ass

Why do tampons have strings?

Because crabs like to bungee jump too.

Told this to my friend's dad.His answer:So you can floss when you're done eating.

I have no problems with buying tampons...

I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present.

(Jimmy Carr)

Your momma's so fat...

Her picture fell off the wall

She wears a 3 piece bikini

There are smaller fat women orbiting her

Her tampons come equipped with On Star

Why do tampons have strings?

So crabs can go bungee jumping

Recreational tampons...

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while in the joint. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and said that was going to paint anything he could. Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire..." The third convict was sitting quietly aside when the other two took notice of him and asked, "What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons, smiled. and said, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "Why did you bring those things?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said;
"Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."

Why do tampons have strings...

so men can floss after they eat.

There should be a football team called the Tampons...

...of course, they would only be good for one period and they would have no second string.

So my girlfriend told me her dog ate some tampons...

I told her to call the vet, maybe they can pull some strings.

I just finished decorating my xmas tree with tampons.

For the Christmas period.

5 boxes for a dollar...

A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."

Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.

He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."

She says, "That can't be right!"

The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."

Shopping for my fiancé

I was shopping for my fiancé the other day, wanted to pick her out something just right, so I asked the sales lady if she could try it on since she is about the same size as my fiancé and would like to see how it looked and fit. She called me a freak and told me to get out of the store. Apparently that's not how you shop for tampons

You can explore tampons contraceptives reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tampons toothpaste dad jokes. There are also tampons puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My wife saw an ad in a window

Which said "tampons 50cents"
Is that true, she asked the shopkeeper...
Very true, he said...."no strings attached"

I couldn't find you any new tampons.

but I managed to pull a few strings...

Why do Canadian women use hockey pucks instead of tampons?

Because they last for 3 periods.

Two brothers, aged 9 and 5, try to buy tampons at a pharmacy.

They take them to the counter and the pharmacist says, Are these for you?

The older brother says, They aren't for me, they're for my brother.

Very confused the pharmacist asks, But, why does your brother need them? , and the older brother says, Well, the lady on the TV said if you use these you can swim and ride a bicycle and he can't do either of those things.

Did you know about the guy that invented tampons?

He went from rags to riches

EXCLUSIVE OFFER: 1,000 tampons for only $5

No strings attached.

Why don't female mathematicians use tampons?

They are weary of anything that advertises discrete AND continuous protection.

Why do tampons have strings attached?

So you can floss after you eat.

Alt ending: So the crabs can bungee jump.

A British vampire walks inside a bar...

The bartender offers him a glass of fresh blood but he refused. Instead, the vampire just asked for a cup of warm water. The bartender asked him why to which the vampire replied, "Well, I found some used tampons earlier. I'm just going to make some tea."

I approach the boring task of buying tampons with the same procrastination used when needing to fill the car up with petrol:

ignore depleting supplies until well in the red.

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter...

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight." the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for our brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He cant do either one."

"Mom, where do tampons go?"

"Where the babies come from, darling."

"In a stork???!!!"

Why do tampons have strings?

So vampires don't burn their fingers while making tea.

Tampax has announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel.

This is for the Christmas period only.

Q. What is Tampons new slogan?

A. We may not be #1 but we're up there!

The woman in the store

A woman walks into a store. Billy the clerk and the manager are talking away, and the woman asks the clerk where some stuff is.

Woman: "Excuse me sir, do you know where the Kleenex, toilet paper, ear cleaners, napkins, and tampons are?

The manager replies with, "Dear Lord Billy, help her! She's leaking from every hole!"

A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"

Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?

The sales attendant replies," Yes ma'am, they're three boxes for $5, and there are no strings attached."

This dude from Florida got mad at me the other day.

Apparently people from Tampa aren't called tampons.

My total perv of a friend asked if I could get my hands on some used tampons

I told him, "Yeah, I think I could pull some strings"

Why do women's prisons give out tampons on release day?

Because all sentences should end with a period.

TIL: You can use tampons to stuff bullet holes to stall bleeing before getting the person to the hospital.

That's actually what tampons were originally used for. Then nurses were all, "Wait, I've got a bleeding hole too!"

Two young boys go to a store

They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."

I am a modern man, I don't mind buying tampons.

But apparently, they are not a proper present

What do you call a crab holding a basket of tampons?

A crustacean menstruation station.

Newest tampon slogan

Did you hear the latest slogan for tampons?
"We're not #1 , but we're right up there "

I used to have a secret fetish for used tampons, but it's not so secret anymore.

I was caught red handed.

I have a question about tampons

Do they call it Tampax Pearl because it goes in their clam?

My gf keeps putting her tampons in the garbage...

Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket.

(NSFW) Why do tampons have strings?

So you can floss after you get done eating.

My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!

So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"

My city is handing out free healthcare products to women,

Free tampons? No strings attached.

Did you hear that the prices of tampons have gone down recently?

Yeah, no strings attached!

I Have No Problems Buying Tampons

For my girlfriend, I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" birthday present.

Tampons on sale

A woman goes into the drug store and notices a large stack of tampons in the corner with a sign above saying: "Special Offer, Five Boxes for $2.50"

She says to the assistant. What's the catch"?

The assistant replies "It's a genuine offer, five boxes for $2.50, no strings attached.

Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?

Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!

Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?

Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear

One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...

...no strings attached!

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-balls and a ball of string on the counter.
The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."

I heard a life tip that went; If you're ever too embarrassed to buy something, get a birthday card with it.

The cashier wasn't amused by the birthday tampons for my wife.

Never have sex with a girl who uses tampons

There are too many strings attached

Why do archaeologists collect used tampons?

They like to figure out what period they came from..

Why do tampons have strings?

Because crabs like to bungee jump

I use to work for a hardware store.

I was being trained by this older gentlemen and he was telling me that the job was all about the up sale. I told me to watch as he went up to someone buying grass seed.

"You should buy this new lawn mower too. You don't want to be cutting your nice new grass with an old lawnmower."

So I turn around and see a guy with a box of tampons and give it a try.

"You should buy a new lawn mower. Your weekends ruined anyway, might as well cut the grass."

I was asked to draw tampons throughout the ages but I wonder...

Do they have to be period accurate?

I made a bike out of tampons.

It's a menstrual cycle.

With all the recent name controversies, Tampa Bay Buccaneers will be renamed the Tampa Bay Tampons.

They are not the best team, but they are up there.

Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"

My wife called me this morning to say the dishwasher was leaking...

...so I came home with tampons.

TIL the company Tampax donates their slightly defective tampons to women's prisons

No strings attached

What do two tampons walking down the road say to each other?

Nothing, they are both stuck up c*nts

I have no problem buying Tampons for my wife, I'm a fairly modern man

But apparently, they don't make a great birthday present.

Tampons

A man walks into a supermarket, asks the clerk where the Tampons are.
She told him Aisle 14.
He comes back a few minutes later with a big bag of large cotton balls...and some kite string.
Puzzled, the girl asks him if he wasn't the one asking for Tampons?
" it's a long story," he explains, "last night, the wife went to convenience store, and I asked her to get me a pak of cigarettes."
He continues, "she came back with a can of Prince Albert and some rolling papers, saying it was cheaper to roll my own....

Cause of death: COVID

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